33 lessons on my 33rd birthday!
I've collected more wisdom. Read all about it.
Hello!
I hope you’re having a wonderful week. Today is my birthday and as per my annual tradition, I have compiled a list of everything I have learned, or else have been reminded of, this fine year.
Some of the things I have included are lessons still being learned and I add them here as much as a reminder to myself as something I want to highlight for you.
I hope some of this resonates with you. If it does do let me know in the comments. Or else tell me that I need to improve my learnings list for next year. We love a bit of constructive feedback.
Have a glorious day and thank you for taking the time to step into my interior world, I hope it is not too chaotic a place to be even if it often feels that way.
All the love,
Emma xxx
33 LESSONS AT 33
In order to be a writer you need to actually write, however painstaking a process that may be. You can read every ‘how-to’ book and analyse the works of every single author you love, but at the end of the day in order to get words on the page you just have to write. As author Irvine Welsh said last night at the writing salon I attended: writing is about perspiration rather than inspiration. Just get to your desk and start purging onto that page. Sometimes you’ll bang out 3000 words, other times just 100, but you never know, the 100 words might end up being more valuable to the final piece than the 3000, so don’t be deterred.
Get comfortable with uncomfortable conversations. I hate confrontation and I despise awkward conversations, but without such dialogue it is impossible to assert and maintain your boundaries, and harder still to have a truly robust relationship with those you care about. Moreover, when resentments are not resolved but are instead left to fester, it corrodes friendships that really oughtn’t to buckle under the weight of all those unsaid things. Let’s hope 33 is my year for clear communication because 32 sure as hell was not.
Being in a relationship isn’t a panacea to your woes. The more satisfied you are outside of the context of a relationship, the more satisfied you are likely to be if you’re in one. Gotta do that self-work, baby!
We live in a society that places a premium on youth and beauty, convincing us that getting older is something to fear rather than relish. Every year I feel hotter, wiser, more sexually curious AND sexually satisfied than ever before, so I refuse to believe the propaganda around aging any longer.
Wear sunscreen. Everyone tells you this but the stickiness, the greasiness, the stingy-ness in the eyes has long put me off. But for sake of good skin and the eternally false promise of eternal youth, I have finally purchased factor 50 face stuff that I now wear religiously under my make up. I am all the greasier for it but, you know, eternal youth.
Older, hotter, wiser and more delusional about my prospects of becoming a gazillionaire than ever before!
It is easier to commit to exercise everyday than to have to wake up daily and decide whether or not to exercise. If movement is important to you, as it is me, make it a daily habit rather than a point of daily, agonising deliberation. You will save a lot of wasted brain energy.
All the cliches about being in a relationship are true, chiefly that they take work and good communication is the bedrock of intimacy and deep connection. With that in mind, telling your partner what you need in order to feel cared for and loved, while asking them what in turn they need to feel the above, is essential to fostering a deep and loving connection that can withstand busy schedules and different communication styles.
When you’re bored with your hair you should get a radical haircut regardless of whether people tell you your hair looks nice the way it is or not. They mean well, but they are unconscious saboteurs trying to get you to stay the same when you’re ready to blossom. Cut the fringe. Chop the bob.
The best relationships, whether romantic or platonic, are the ones in which you feel like you’re on the same team. I’m in your corner and you’re in mine. When one of us wins, we both do. Be the greatest cheerleader you can be for those you love, and in turn, let them be yours.
Being physically fit won’t solve all of your problems, but building muscle will help prevent against osteoporosis in old age and that’s as good a reason as any to pick up a heavy weight and get to pumping. Do it for your granny self.
Carrying a stash of condiments with you in your handbag isn’t weird, it is essential, as everyone will recognise when they need your sachet of ketchup.
Creativity cannot bloom when you sit in front of a laptop day in, day out for an ungodly number of hours each week. Even when you need to go into worker bee mode, injecting opportunities for joy, pleasure, novel experiences and new stimuli is essential to helping you do good work.
If Dua Lipa can go from being the awkward dancing meme to owning the stage like she does, then you can achieve your wildest dreams too.
Read fiction. It feeds the soul as it feeds the mind.
Anal sex is great. Why did I wait till 32 to find that out?! De stigmatise ALL sexual exploration plz n thank u.
The thing you’re putting off is never as bad as you think it’s going to be. Just eat the frog and get that shit done.
Sleeping in an eye mask improves your quality of sleep 10-fold.
Don’t spend all of your time consuming, even when that information is (at least partly) high-quality content. Make time, plenty of it, to create.
No raw after 4 isn’t an old wives tale, it’s good gut sense. A crunchy, raw salad right before bed will hamper your quality of sleep and make you wake up constantly with a tummy ache. So why’d dya keep on doing it??
Read twice as much as you write, if not more. The more you read, the better you write, there are no two ways about it.
Buy a spare pair of the good shoes.
No amount of supplements can make up for a lack of sleep and too much alcohol. Sleep more and drink less for dramatically improved health n wealth n overall happiness.
As you get older you will likely have fewer, better friends. That is a good thing. Quality over quantity, baby.
Avoid flying to and from Standsted airport at all costs. No amount of saving on a flight is worth that particular hell.
The stories we tell ourselves, about ourselves, shape the way we see the world and how we interpret people’s actions. Be intentional about the lens through which you choose to see yourself and others. And, if you don’t like your current reality, re-write the story.
There is nothing more romantic not profound than someone bearing witness to every facet of your being and your life and declaring: I see it all, I love it all, and I’ll be here till the end. Sometimes that person just so happens to be your best friend and that is a special kinda romantic magic (love you, Elspeth Merry!).
Pick the cause(s) you care about and focus on making change in that specific area. Being constantly online means we are so overexposed to the world’s issues in a way that can feel paralysing rather than motivating. You cannot change everything, and you certainly won’t change anything if you try. So, get selective, zero in and resolve to make an impact on the area you feel best able to make shit happen in.
Compound interest really is a thing. Start saving. And investing. Immediately.
If you’re lucky enough to still have your parents around, call them daily and see them regularly. Ignore them when they tell you not to get the haircut or the new tattoo. You know better, but you still love them.
Stop sitting on Watsapp all day and pick up the goddam phone instead. There is nothing I love more than a long phone catch up, which is infinitely better than an exchange of messages and voicenotes that just accumulate to form a pool of incriminating, unanswered messages that gets longer and more stressful as the weeks go on. Call me plz so I can stop feeling guilty about not texting back.
Watching reality tv will never make you a more interesting person. I know I will get hate for this but I said what I said. I don’t want to hear gossip from a tv show I do not care about. I want to hear about the inner workings of your interior world and what’s going on there.
Listen more than you speak. It’s hard, near impossible (for me!!!), but apparently its very good sense.
Marriage and babies are not the only ‘successful’ destination at which a woman can end up. Redefine success on your own terms and reconfigure what milestones you want to measure your life-progress by yourself.
P.S. TELL THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE THAT YOU LOVE THEM. TELL THEM TODAY. TELL THEM TOMORROW. TELL THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF WAKING UP AND HAVING THEM IN YOUR LIFE. Yes, I am getting more and more sentimental in my 30s, whatchya gonna do?
Love you all!
xxx